Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

Friday, November 04, 2011

Eternal Perspectives (Autumn in my favorite cemetery)


"Meadows of Heaven" by NIGHTWISH

Lake View Cemetery
 - where the views are eternal, death is alive, and Hope is victorious -


We had another glorious out-of-place weather week. It reached 70(F) and since we live in a micro-climate along Lake Erie the leaves are still on the trees here in November. My son and I knew it would be a great day at Lake View Cemetery in Cleveland, so off we went.

The winding drive down MLK Boulevard from the lake shore is always interesting, but yesterday the leaves were falling and it was like a confetti parade. This area of Cleveland (between University Hospitals/Cleveland Clinic) - the area called University Circle - is just such a beautiful place.


Upon arrival at Lake View my son headed straight for an area that has a small grove of thread leaf Japanese Maples. He has photographed them through the years and today we expected them to be ablaze… and they were. I wondered off to read headstones, but without much deliberation. I recognized one family right away; I had figured out some of their story a couple of years ago on a similar day. I could see that Harold lost his wife while she was only 28, and she left him a newborn. I wondered if she died giving birth; it was the late 1800’s. With no specific date other than the year it was impossible to tell if his birth date and her death date were the same (since his headstone was also there). Harold remarried and Edith also gave him a son. Harold died only 5 years later. Edith had her own son and this other son to raise alone (or so it seemed, she was, after all, buried on Harold‘s right, his first wife on his left, and no other man around that could be matched to her). Both of those boys died a year apart 9 and 10 years later. Edith lived until 1941; apparently unmarried and without any other children.



Another family, Carabelli I think it read, have a huge family monument with smaller stones surrounding it. It speaks of wealth and standing. They perhaps had money, but tragedy visited them often. On one end of the family monument flush to the ground is a stone with the names of 3 children. On the opposite end is another stone with 3 more children. Each child died between the ages of one and four, but not at the same time. Some terrible thing visited them; a genetic issue? an accident? or worse? In this day and age the immediate thought was that Children’s Services would have been all over that household, but such judgment needs to be put aside for we just don’t know. Heartbreak was no stranger to them; that we can be sure.

A short distance across a roadway I saw the names of two little girls on one stone, ages 3 and 6, who died together on December 14. Next to their stone was a brother who died 3 days later on the 17th; he was 4. It was the 1870’s - were they all sick and he lingered? Were they all in a fire or an accident and they thought the little guy was going to pull though? The stones never tell anything other than the cold hard facts; they died.

Walking through this enormous place does not make me sad. Perhaps because it is feels distant and historic, so antique. The newer section doesn’t have the grandeur or monumental architecture and we never walk through there; I suppose that would feel different anyway. The older sections have a notable amount of (Biblical) scripture on the stones; verses that look ahead to heaven and a promise to thjose still here that the Words are true. Occasionally there are new graves in the older sections. I came across a 2011 fresh date for a woman (almost 100!) who died this year and her shell was placed in this old family plot. Her ancestors went back to the mid 1800’s.


When I visit the modern cemetery where my parents' shells remain it is such a different experience. It is a vast open space covered in plastic flowers and artificial wreaths (nearly all the stones are flush to the ground for ease of mowing). It is situated on a slightly rolling hill with very few trees. It sits in stark contrast to the arboretum and architectural aspects of Lake View which is filled with color and texture - it is full of life - strangely. The residents lie in quiet repose with no message except for what their monuments have to say; they are no longer there having gone on to one of two places.

And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.
Hebrews 9:27-28


These photographs and may more in the "Eternal Perspectives" series are available at http://www.driftstudios.etsy.com/


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Thursday, October 21, 2010

"I'm the typical"


Come on, can’t I dream for one day
There’s nothing that can’t be done
But how long should it take somebody
Before they can be someone?
~
‘Cause I know there’s got to be another level
Somewhere closer to the other side
And I’m feeling like it’s now or never
Can I break the spell of the typical
~
I’ve lived through my share of misfortune
And I’ve worked in the blazing sun
But how long should it take somebody
Before they can be someone
~
Cause I know there’s got to be another level
Somewhere closer to the other side
And I’m feeling like it’s now or never
Can I break the spell of the typical, the typical, the typical, uh huh
~
I'm the typical
I'm the typical
Can I break the spell of the typical
Because it’s dragging me down
I’d like to know about when
When does it all turn around
I'm just the typical
I'm just the typical




My sweet friends - passers by - artists - precious ones...
~I have not uttered “why me?” throughout this entire too-many-funerals-many-years ride… not for the 12 days as I sat next to my Mom dying in the hospital - swatting away some of the death-mongering medical staff that deem the elderly spent and useless. I did not utter against God as Mom faced a wicked month in “rehab” (aka a nursing-home-dying-depot)… I didn’t argue that she was handed a mortal blow in the form of a great big engraving across her forehead that read “Metastasic Breast Cancer at age 84 / Doomed” … the “doomed” part was wholley the result of the cruelty of words; the way things are spoken carelessly; the lies that are thoughtlessly sputtered by so many fools.
~I came close to questioning the reactions from extended family members who didn’t get the big picture … and when I tried to get them to spend time with Mom (for their sakes not mine) I was met with my own anger and frustration...a tall hurdle for me. Even when I went through several months of my own head-spinning, breath-sucking cancer testing which resulted in a lumpectomy for my birthday last June - I fought hard to not allow the language of death or the lies so easily spoken by those so well-intended, but oh so ill-informed, to crush me. I separated myself from liars and fools. I have not found comfort in phrases like “why me” ~ not because I am strong or wise, but because it just does not matter. Did Job not say “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” ?
~God has made His presence known in very real ways to me. He gave me literal messengers and very tangible messages. I am not a flamboyant woo-woo zombie surface-believer type; I am a Christian who is completely reliant on the mercy and grace of God - and He met me in very real ways throughout this very real war I have been plunged into.
~I have come to realize that making it through one monumental battle does not award me the respite of facing less, or better yet, NO more battles. In fact, they seem to get closer and uglier as I move ahead. I am intrigued that the enemy of my soul is frightened enough of my sure and eternal standing in Christ that he attempts to derail me again and again. Loser.
~Am I typical? I am. No trial or temptation or wicked circumstance or foolish voice or insensitive stranger or dark diagnosis has befallen me that is not common to all of us.
~Why then do the song lyrics capture my attention when I hear Cause I know there’s got to be another level. Somewhere closer to the other side - And I’m feeling like it’s now or never - Can I break the spell of the typical” -- because it is all about how I react and what I do with these very typical, common complaints of life… no matter how many I face and how often. I am called to rise above the typical - to be more than I am right now and be a light in a dark world. “Come on, can’t I dream for one day - There’s nothing that can’t be done, but how long should it take somebody before they can be someone?

~' I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…' that’s it... however long it takes. period.

...Philippians 4:13
 
xoKatey

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And, "If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?"So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. ~ 1 Peter 4:12-19 (NIV)
~
(The Message): verse 12 - Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.
(Amplified): verse 12 - Beloved, do not be amazed and bewildered at the fiery ordeal which is taking place to test your quality, as though something strange (unusual and alien to you and your position) were befalling you.



~~

NEXT DAY POST SCRIPT:
Another side to this whole "breaking the spell of the typical" is my continued drive and restlessness to get myself out of this art-rut that captivates and holds me prisoner... where I create in spurts because that is all I am able to do. I have more in me than can get out and the result is more unproductivity than productivty (alot of good intentions left unfinished). It is "now or never" I think - or at least I want to attempt to think that. Life is going to keep happening (thank God, amen). I can look back and see why I haven't accomplished much, but I cannot use that to excuse anything. Life (and death, and accidents, and diseases, and good things too) will continue to come at full speed - right in my face. I am longing to capture all that I can while I can despite the speed of life - so that I can rise above mediocrity... typical ... usual ... average.

POST Post Script (after reading some of the responses here and on FB) I want to emphasize that
I didn't ask "why me" because I am strong or know how to handle difficult things - I am WEAK and FRAIL - and there were times when all I could utter was "Jesus" -- and it was in that weakness He came to me and held me together. In Romans 8:26-28 Paul speaks of the Holy Spirit groaning on our behalf ... I realize now (thank-you Pastor Alistair Begg) that when I had nothing left within myself Jesus was then fully there for me in my nothingness. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will" ... amen

Monday, October 19, 2009